Hello Reader,

I have an adversarial relationship with self-help books. I find most of them

• too insistently positive ("Happiness is a choice!"),
• too judgmental ("If this doesn't for you, you're not doing it right."),
• too flippant about serious issues (losing a job and being diagnosed with cancer are not the same), and
• too superlative ("The most magnificent experience of your big beautiful life is waiting just around the corner!").

If I hear one more rags-to-riches story ("... and that's how I went from $800,000 in debt to stardom - without meaning to! If I can do it, so can you!") and one more love declaration from a stranger ("I believe in you and I love you!" - Lady, we haven't met, and never will.), I solemnly swear I will not buy another self help book.

Now you see why I picked up Mel Robbins' The Let Them Theory with trepidation. And, lo and behold, it checked all these boxes. More than once I rolled my eyes and wanted to quit, but about 100 pages in, her Let Them Theory struck a chord:

In season two of Ecosystems for Change, we explored the nature of complex, adaptive systems. One key lesson: We have no control over what happens in our ecosystem - how people act, how the environment changes and who gets involved at what time. In fact, the only thing we have control over is how we react to these changes.

In today's newsletter, I want to share with you how to apply these lessons to our work as ecosystem builders and our lives as humans on this messy planet.

Ecosystem Essentials: Let them and let me in complex, adaptive systems

In episode 4 of season 2, Jeff Bennett referenced Peter David Stroh's book Systems Thinking for Social Change. In it, Stroh outlines three shifts people need to make to thrive in an ecosystem:

1. From seeing just their part of the system to seeing the whole system.
2. From focusing on individual events - crises, fires - to understanding and redesigning the deep system structures that give rise to them.
3. From hoping that others will change to seeing how they can first change themselves.

In episode 5, April Rinne, author of Flux: 8 Superpowers for Thriving in a World of Constant Change, made a similar point. Our deep desire for control keeps us stressed out and forever reaching for something that is entirely unachievable. April's advice?

Mel Robbins builds on this idea. Not only are we better off if we simply accept others and their actions as they are (that's the Let Them part). She argues that we should instead invest that time and energy into the areas of life that we do have control over: ourselves (that's the Let Me part).

I can't tell you how many times in my work as an ecosystem builder I've banged my head against the wall thinking, "If only this person would do as I say, and see the world the way I see it, we could be of better service to the entrepreneurs in our community! Why can't they just act right!?"

And you know what? I wish I had spent that time focusing on how I could show up differently. If the only thing we can control our actions and attitudes anyway, why not intentionally model the behavior that we hope to see more of in our ecosystem?

I hope that the next time you grow frustrated with the actors, culture and environment in your ecosystem, you save yourself the heartache. Instead, focus on what you do have control over: how you respond and how you show up for the changemakers you want to serve.

Bookish

All things books and independent bookshops

• I read Liane Moriarty's Here one Moment on spring break and it was the PERFECT book to get lost in. Moriarty is one of my favorite fiction authors and this book was wonderful. I definitely recommend it.
• ​The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins. I don't know that I recommend this book. If you're into self-help, this might be your thing. Personally, I can only stomach so much American positivity but hey, each their own.
• ​Einfach Lieben, Anna Wilitzki. I learned about Anna and her work as a relationship counselor on a German podcast and instantly connected with her perspectives. Humans are so predictable and yet so messy. Great read, but only available in German.

I'm on a mission to visit, shop at and tell the stories of 40 Independent Bookshops by the time I turn 40 in December. Here is my latest bookshop adventure:

A family affair Meet Paige Williams who made her childhood dream of owning a bookshop come true in the small town of Lexington, VA Downtown Books

Looking for more book recommendations? My friend Ashley Wenger writes a weekly book review - and it's no fluff. She can recommend your next great read and she will safe you from reading what's not worth it. Bonus: Each book recommendation comes with a Spotify playlist the Ashley creates for her readers.

Get a taste here and subscribe if you need more book recs!

On my desk

SEASON 7 is BACK!

The federal grant freeze (or as my friend Amy likes to call it, the federal flurry) put the next season of my podcast on ice for two months😮

But we got the green light and are finally launching season 7 on April 15! If you're new here and didn't know I even hosted a podcast - TA DA! You're welcome!

Check out the trailer below and while you're at it: subscribe and catch up on season 1-6 of Ecosystems for Change!

Shen-Anika-ns

Here's how I apply The Let Them Theory advice in my personal life:

Comparing ourselves to others is natural. What we do with our comparison is what matters. It can bring us down or it can motivate us to become very clear about what we truly want and what we're willing to put the reps in for.

For example, I compare myself to my friend Shelly, who is still new to Crossfit and outruns, outlifts and outperforms me on every level (hi Shelly, you're killing it!). Instead of pouring my energy into feeling jealous, I pour it into my daily push-ups right as I get out of bed. I pour it into practicing double-unders and pull-ups.

Is it glorious? Glamorous? Does it feel like winning in life? No. But it feels worthwhile to keep chipping away at a goal that I know I will one day achieve.

Thanks to social media, I could compare myself 24/7 to other people who are fitter, younger, stronger, richer and more accomplished. I've started to ask myself: "If this is truly important to me, am I willing to put in the reps to achieve these results?"

If the answer is no, I file it under "It would be nice to do/have [insert their achievement]." and move on.

If the answers is yes, I come up with a plan to get there.

To the detriment of our egos, the hard work to get to where you want to be happens where no one else sees it. There are few rewards along the way. That's why it's key to pick ideas and projects you truly desire: It's easy to throw in the towel when you don't see results instantly, when you have nothing to show for your efforts for weeks or months.

Focus on things that matter to you. Let other people do their thing, and let you focus your energy on making whatever progress you desire.

If you are working on something that no one else sees (yet), I'd love to know what it is! I would gladly cheer you on along the way! Let's support each other through this lonely process of creation!

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I will be back in your inbox in two weeks!

In camaraderie,

Anika

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